so, it's almost 2 am & i'm still up. i really don't want to go to bed because that means work will just get here sooner. blah.. i had to go clothes shopping today because my 3 favorite pairs of pants all decided to crap out on me in the same weekend. they either ripped or got holes in them in places i can't repair. damn, the bad luck. i hate clothes shopping.. it depresses me. i can never find anything i'm really happy with, anywhere. i went to 4 stores today & only returned with 2 pairs of jeans. i didn't even find any good pants for work.. but that's because they have to be plain, & i mean REALLY plain. my style is too "rockstar" (as my boss put it) because i wore black dressy pants with white pinstripes.. ok that's too "rockstar"?? then i wore some dark khaki pants that had a couple extra pockets (almost like cargo pants) & those were too "rockstar" too. so i guess i'm just not plain enough.. give me a break. it's not like it's a corporate run business, it's just her preference. i'm also not allowed to dress in layers, like i like to do. i like to have an undershirt that's a little longer than the other because when i sit down my ass crack won't show (just in case my pants are too low). i think of it as preventative measures, but my boss thinks of it as being too "rockstar".. i'm really beginning to hate that woman more & more.

the want to become a mom is becoming more & more prominant in my life. i can't go 1 day without thinking about it. it's almost depressing because i want to be a mom so bad & it seems like a few of the girls i know that are pregnant right now either didn't plan it or really don't want one right now. i feel like why do they get the privelage of knowing what motherhood is like when they don't even want to? i want to, damnit. if only my life could be a little more stable right now.

alright, i'm giving in. i have to go to bed, otherwise i will just hate myself in the morning.

Labels: anti-plain jane, depression, motherhood