my parents have their house for sale.. as soon as it's sold i have to have a place of my own. i have a good job now, so i'm finally gonna catch up on bills & be able to afford rent.. but not alone. i've told J repeatedly about the urgency of getting a place. when my parents are gone, i have nowhere to go.. period. he has his mom's house. what part of NOW does he not understand? he's been out of a job now for about 1 1/2 months.. trying to collect an unemployment check as well. he used to rag on me & be super critical if i wasn't out looking for a job at 9 am & if i wasn't out for 8 hours. oh how he would preach if he knew i wasn't out looking 100% of the time. not like it mattered to him, we don't live together at the moment. so now the tables are turned, but i don't preach to him about him sleeping till noon every day, putting his resume online, & only calling 2-4 places a day. i'm really starting to question if he even does that.. he doesn't give me names of places he supposedly has interviews at, he just says "this one place.." or something of the sort. i don't ask, wtf ever, i'm not his mom. but i'm getting sick of being stressed about not having a place to live when the house is sold. i'm almost to the point of freaking out.. seriously. i'm starting to wonder if he even cares anymore. he sure as hell acts like he doesn't, otherwise he'd be trying to get a job hardcore, right? speaking of not caring.. we left the sportsbar (we go every wed) seperatly cause i had to drive straight there from work. he said he was having maybe 1 more beer & then he was leaving. he told me he'd be online to talk to me before i went to bed. well, here it is 1:15am & he's still not on yet. no call, nothing. he's prolly hanging out with friends or something, but shit, if you're gonna tell me you're gonna do something & i'm waiting for you, then fucking do it! am i freaking out? or is this really a sign of future things to come? i've been told by my parents that i deserve better.. that at the rate we're going in this relationship that he'll never put a ring on my finger, & that i should move on. i've had friends tell me the same thing. i know relationships aren't always gonna be cake, but i just feel like i'm being let down all the time. i feel like he doesn't care anymore. & he's so stingy with money.. we have to keep a tab all the time. it's really getting on my nerves.. even other people think it's crazy how he has this tab thing. i sorta wonder if i'm over reacting.. i need a little feedback. all i know is i'm sick of being depressed all the time & wondering how my future is gonna end up.. i had goals for myself & none have been met yet.

Labels: careless, depressed, stupid boys