Have you ever wondered what would have become of your life if you would have made a couple different decisions? My trip back to Texas a couple weeks ago really made me think about it. I sometimes wonder what would be if I had moved back there with my family.. all the fun I've been missing out on the last 5 years or so. Being able to watch my cousin's kids grow up.. they really don't even know who I am & it hurts me so much. And yes, maybe how it would be with a certain someone that I had to leave behind. I know things would have been SO much different if I had moved there (which is what I had planned to do when I graduated). Sometimes I wish I would have. My life would probably be where I wish it were right now.. a stay at home mom with a man that really knows how to take care of a woman.. a true southern gentleman (how rare is that?). It almost hurts to go back, to reminisce.. not that I'd ever leave the guy who loves me now. He doesn't deserve that.. which is why I feel even worse than I probably should. I guess I'm just stuck on the what if's.. & the fact that I miss my family so much. I still get a little misty eyed just thinking about having to leave them every time I go out there. I think I belong there, as much as I want to stay here with my friends.. the only place I've ever stayed so long (12 years). I love being familiar with my surroundings, but is that worth not being with my family? I'm just so torn. I just wish time would reveal the choice I need to make.. family or friends. Once my immediate family has moved, I don't have many ties here anyhow. I have what I would call a true friend.. I truely consider her family (so do my parents). I still think about all the times we promised eachother we would grow up together, live side by side, & have our kids grow up together. I don't want to miss out on that. My heart is torn in 2.. & I have no idea what I want to do.

Labels: family, reminisce, torn, true love