i really hate my boss.. & i don't know if i'm just over emotional thanks to my "friend" being in town, or if i have every right to be as upset as i am. i thought the day was going ok, until mid-morning my boss said "we need to get you all better." & i said i know, but she's referring to me being sick (i went home yesterday) & all my sinus problems. well, i explained to her during my interview that i had mono a couple years ago & my immune system is shot. i get sick easily, i mean we have clients that come in sick, so there's a pretty big chance that i will get it. i have come to work numerous times feeling like crap.. & then with the weather changing & getting into spring, the pollen count in the air is insane. i am HIGHLY allergic to pollen.. i had an allergy test tell me that. but anyways.. so she then pulls me aside (even tho another coworker could hear everything) & she said (in a nutshell) "you know how i told you that in 30 days you would get a 25c raise, well this is the time for that evaluation for the raise. i really don't feel at this point that you deserve that raise, with you being sick & you not being able to do a new client manicure" (there are notebooks of info i was supposed to read, plus i was supposed to have 3 weeks training on the product line they use.. but that never happened. so technically that is her fault) "you're really good at pedicures, but i can't keep you back there all the time. yadi yadi yadi.. you're just not where i need you to be at this point" so i was a little pissed off about not getting my raise. she told me to wait another 30 days & we would evaluate that.

then our receptionist was coming in for a pedicure cause yesterday was her last day & what not. i told my boss i would do the pedicure, i didn't mind, so that's what i thought. well my boss told me that the girl would be calling before she came to make a starbucks run for us.. she knows what i like because she's gotten it for me before. so the girl shows up & she has starbucks for everyone but me. it made me feel a little left out, but it's just starbucks. but then another coworker keeps going on about how she thought her starbucks would wake her up blah blah blah she's tired.. i'm kinda glad she didn't enjoy it. then my other coworker insisted on doing the pedicure, even tho i thought i was. so they sit back there gossiping, or so i think cause when i walk by they manage to get quiet. or maybe i'm just paranoid. so i walk back there & i say to the now ex receptionist & that my boss went off on me & i'm explaining it to her & she said "yeah, you can't do the new client manicure cause you're stuck back here in pedicure land all the time" EXACTLY DING DING DING!!! & then she tells me that yesterday my boss had this theory, because i talk about going to play team trivia every week at a sports bar & i'm over 21, so i must be a drunk & that's why i'm always sick. wtf? i drink like twice a month.. it's rare for me to drink. so now i'm even MORE pissed off at my boss for talking about me like that behind my back. i really don't appreciate that.

the day keeps dragging on.. we run late on a couple appointments cause she brings her damn baby to work. he refused to sleep all day, so he's cranky & so she has to stop what she's doing to take care of him.. i have to continue what she has left to tend to her baby. you DON'T bring your 10 month old baby to a nail salon.. period. & to top it off i feel like she talks to me like i am a child all the time.. it's just her tone of voice i guess. i can't really explain it, but i think she might not know she's doing it. i always feel like i don't fit in, i feel like i'm white trash compared to them.. i don't know why but i always feel like my clothes are dirtier & my hair is nastier.. i can't explain it.

there are double standards too. i'm told to wear PLAIN pants (aka no extra pockets, no extra seams, no designs, etc) & a solid shirt that's not low cut & my pants can't show my crack or undies. the new receptionist (who is also the ex babysitter) wears low cut shirts all the time, she wears things with patterns, & she has fake nails on. this is a NATURAL nail salon, i had to take off my acrylic nails just like everyone else. so why does she get to bend the rules?

i need to come up with a nice list of these things & present them to my boss nicely.. which is hard for me to do. i hate confrontation with a passion. i can never think of anything to say during the conversation, but i think of things afterwards. i need a plan.. fast. i hate this place & i don't think it's gonna get any better.

Labels: bitch, dumb boss, fuck work, pissed off, psycho boss

i have a new layout.. it's pretty crazy. click on the PULL tag to see the about me & other info. click on the subject of my blog & i think you can leave comments that way. & if you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page there's more stuff to look at & click on (like the pics of the dogs). someone leave me a comment so i can decide if i'm gonna keep this layout or not ;P

Labels: comment, new layout

i think not being a mom is really starting to take a toll on me. i know, this might sound like i'm just too obsessed with the fact of it, but i can't even read a story about a friend & her baby without tearing up & wishing i could be going thru the same thing.. whether it's bad or not. i just want to go thru it. i want to be a mom. that's all i want out of life. if my family wasn't so religious then i would prolly already have one by now, or at least be expecting. i'm afraid of what they will say.. but people tell me all the time that me not being married will be overlooked because bringing a life into the world is so much more important & exciting. it's not like josh & i would be splitting up any time soon.. we have been thru a lot & we are still together (5 years in october). we even talk about names & hypothetical situations all the time. i just wish it could happen to me now.. i'm so impatient, but can you blame me? if that's all you wanted out of life, wouldn't you think about it often too? & it kills me knowing that the 1 goal that i have for my life keeps getting pushed back. i'm starting to be ok financially now, & i know josh is too. he's been talking about getting a place together, but the only thing stopping us is the fact that he has a hernia (sp?) that he might need to get checked out, & if that happens then that means no place for us for a while. so i think with that in the back of our heads, we don't save money. we pay our bills & we blow the rest during the weekends. we are partiers, but that's cause we know we can at the moment. i know that would be a lot different with a little one on the way. god i just wish it could be so much sooner. it makes me depressed. i have people ask me all the time if i have kids.. at least 3 times a day. then they see me with my boss's son & they're like "oh you're so good with kids." or "he likes you a lot, no one makes him laugh like that".. i mean it's just neverending. then that gets me thinking about my own kids &.. i duhno.. it's just really starting to depress me. i hate this. i dream about being pregnant just about every nite. i have almost started cursing my "aunt flo" because part of me just wishes it would happen. i know the timing is off, & i'm such a responsible person so i know i wouldn't just "accidentally" get pregnant.. but damnit.. it's all i ever think about anymore. ok, i'm done rambling, i need to get some sleep for tomorrow.

Labels: baby, depressed, expecting, hopefull, motherhood, wishing

i had to get up by 9:15 this morning.. couldn't sleep in on my day off.. cause i had to take my bf's mom's dog to the groomer. it wasn't that big of a deal, but i really like my sleep lol. then i went to eat with my mom, which turned into an afternoon adventure. we went to a new hair salon so i could get a trim. they had no menus or price list or anything posted of the sort. so afterwards she's like "it's $30 for your cut" she didn't dry my hair, she didn't even take scissors to it. she just used a razor to take off about an inch & added a little more "flow" to it.. & it cost me $30. i'm not going back to that place, i don't care how nice she was. but anyways, after that, we went to the mall & i got some plugs. (i was at 4g) i was excited until i got home & they just slid ride in. i could have been at 0g, but no, i bought the 2g & wasted $20. oh well, that will teach me to use ebay more often. i could have gotten 4 pairs of cute plugs/tunnels/whatever for that same price. they're cute, but i doubt my boss will like them.

so.. tomorrow at work we will be having an hour & 1/2 lunch because we're celebrating emmy's 2 year anniversary with the company. woo hoo. i'm just happy that the time is elotted for just lunch, no appointments. i wonder what we will be having for lunch.. my boss's husband is a damn good cook (she lets us sample her leftovers lol) & i hope he cooks something with pasta. that's all i ask.

i'm still debating on staying with this company, & ignoring the hatred i have for my boss. or should i try to go to a company that offers benefits. i wanted to work at starbucks, not because i like the company, but because they offer benefits, & i have been a barista before.. it's an easy job. hmm.. i mean, last saturday (at the nail salon), including my tips, i made about $14/hour.. which is not that bad at all, but i will never get benefits with the company. ever. i need benefits more than i want to even think about. i have a wisdom tooth that came in, which was never supposed to come in in the first place, & if i had like 1/2 a cm then it would be fine, but it's pressing against my teeth & gives me BAD headaches.. almost paralizing headaches. then i have a cavity that's so past due to be filled, it causes me so much pain, & really don't want to have to wait & then just end up getting it pulled. i would like to keep as many teeth as i can. i'm sure i have other dental problems, but those are the top on my list. i also need medical care.. i need a different medication for my supposed "gastritis" along with occasional panic attacks, & it prolly wouldn't hurt to see a councelor either. i really hate to have to rely on medication (i try to avoid being a pill popper) but i think at some point i really do need these dumbass doctors. i need them ASAP. for me to say that i need one is just about crazy for me. i went to doctors for 2 years to try to figure out what was wrong with me.. turns out it was panic attacks, & my pediatrician at the time ruled them out the first day i was in his waiting room.. without testing me or anything.

Labels: benefits, dental problems, depression, doctors, drunk, gauges, jobs, long day, medical problems, plugs, switch

i really can't wait to get my own place again.. i'm sick of people always having to come in my room, like it's the living room or something. i get home in the early evening, & josh is with me.. we're both a little out of it because we were up till about 9am rolling. but anyways, we head to my room & my little brother follows. he ends up staying until dinner. dinner ended up starting a war in my home. i cooke once a week & i had my mind set on some spaghetti. i needed meat & garlic bread, so i ask my little brother to go get some (since he's conveniently sitting on my bedroom floor). i'd give him the money, that wasn't a big deal. he's a lazy prick, he doesn't do anything for anyone unless he gets something out of it. so he told me he wasn't gonna go & i told him if he didn't go then i wasn't cooking. i told him i didn't feel good & that i wasn't getting dressed & combing my hair to go to the store. it's only a block away, it's not like it's across town or something, & it was only 2 things. so i just sit keep watching tv, & then my dad comes in & says "it's not andy's place to go to the store, so get with it, your mother said you need to go get the stuff yourself" so i told him that i didn't feel good & why couldn't andy contribute to the family once in a while & do something that wasn't selfish.. he walked away. so again, i just sat there watching tv.. for a good period of time lol. then my mom comes barging in (without knocking) & starts yelling at me about it. i told her, just like i told everyone else, that i didn't feel good & that andy should contribute somewhere. that pissed her off & she starts going off about how he never gets the right stuff at the store. (well if you didn't baby him, then maybe he would know wtf to do.. like his laundry, or dishes, or managing his own checking account. he will never be ready for the real world if you keep it up. no wonder he's a nuisance, he doesn't appreciate all the nice things he has in his life, he steals money from you constantly, he owes you over $400 but yet he keeps buying stuff for his truck, which YOU are paying for. he'll never make it in the real world.. ahem, i could make a whole entry just about this) so anyway.. where was i.. oh, so my mom gets super pissed & slams my door. it took all my strength to not throw something across the room or punch something or scream.. i really almost lost it. i know that i wasn't in the best of moods, so that made me a little irritable, but whatever. i thought it was a just request for andy to go to the store. so i lay there for a while, i'm not even hungry anymore, i really wasn't all that hungry to begin with, & i wasn't feeling good, but yet i was still about to cook dinner for everyone else. i wasn't even going to do anything, but josh was asking me what were we gonna do cause he was hungry.. then he offered to go into the store & get the stuff. so we start heading to the car & my parents are about to head out & my dad asked me where i was going, i told him the store, & then my mom starts bitching about how they're going out to eat now cause they couldn't wait on me anymore. & my dad asks her if she wants to stay since i'm cooking & she's all "not with her attitude blah blah i baby my spoiled ass bratty 18 year old son blah blah blah" & i started raising my voice telling her that andy should contribute every now & again, it's not like he was busy or anything, & here i am i can barely stand straight cause my gastritis is acting up again. she's all "we already discussed your brother" so whatever, i go to the store anyways & they stay at the house. we all eat supper like civilized people & go about the rest of the nite.

oh, back to the part where everyone has to come in my room when i'm home.. josh & i were just about to.. ya know.. & my mom knocks on the door cause she needs to get on the computer. it's like they plan it, once we're in our birthday suites, someone comes knocking on my door. i wonder if they all have super elephant ear powers & can hear flys unzipping, or something.. i don't know. it's just frustrating that i sit with my door open when i don't care if they come in or not, but the second i close it, they need in. living at home is great, but it sucks the big one every now & again.

[/end of rant]

Labels: dumbass brother, elephant ears, family, laziness, rant

this video is freakin awesome! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw
[for some reason i can't post the video in my blog, so you'll just have to click the link]

Labels: thriller wedding

tonight was pretty wierd.. my boyfriend's mom had a 13 year old girl she didn't know come to her door to ask for help. her mom was beating her & she was running away to call the cops. i don't know what else has happened, i was only there when she came to the door. but i know the cops came to take her away. i hope she is alright.

i can't figure out how to get my comments links on the bottom of my posts, so if anyone knows, please message me!

in other news, i'm going to start a week long journey on monday. i thought about trying to do no carbs & no dairy, but i think it will be too complicated to do at the same time. i want to try the dairy first, because my mom & i both think it's the cause of a lot of my sinus problems.. i've been having them since i was about 11. i was allergic to milk as a kid, i remember not being able to drink milk in kindergarten, so i asked my mom at what point did we decide it was ok for me to drink it.. she didn't know. so maybe i'm still a little allergic.. i need to test it. i'm making a list of dairy products i can't have, so that if i question an item, i can look at the list. it's not complete, i have been google-ing for about 1/2 an hour now.. so if anyone can think of something to add to my list, please let me know. i have 3 days to complete it. (my list includes: yogurt/pudding, cheese, soymilk, butter, mayo, mustard, most condiments, chocolate, & whey)

now, i am going to do the no carbs in a couple weeks. i'm starting a list of carbs as well. i read in a magazine about this no carb for a week & drink 80-100 ounces of water a day detox thing & i wanted to try it. i need to flush my system because i'm noticing i'm always tired. maybe carbs have nothing to do with it, it might be from the mono i had a couple years ago.. who knows. but i figure it can't hurt to try it out.. it's only a week. (my list consists of: Cakes, Breads, Apple, Honey, Blueberry, Carrot, Chocolate, Oatmeal, Pancake/Waffle, Soda, Smoothie, Fruit Juice, Tomato Juice, Gatorade, Cereal/Cereal Bar, Corn, Cookie, Cracker, Banana, Cranberry, Grape, Kiwi, Mango, Orange, Peach, Pear, Pineapple, Pizza, Chicken Nugget, Sushi, Pasta, Rice, Chips, Fruit Snacks, Peas, Potato, Creamy Soup, Chicken, Turkey) i have determined that i can eat baked beans & kosher turkey.. wow, what a big list lol. i'm a carbaholic, i love pasta, bread, fruit, veggies, etc.. so it will be hard. i tried to do the low carb diet once, keyword ONCE lol. but again, if you know anything for me to add, please message me.

i need to get to bed, tomorrow will be one of the busiest days i've had in a while. damn, i hate being so slammed that i can't take a nice long break. & working with my boss is hell. she has been dubbed (not by me) the nail nazi. if you don't have your nails painted, she will take away your tips. that's fucked up, but i guess i can't argue. so i have put on a deep purple color that looks just like black, i hope she hates it lol.

Labels: beating, comments, layout help, no carbs, no dairy, strange, trial

Three things that scare me: 1. clowns 2. being kidnapped3. the dark
Three people who make me laugh: 1.my mom 2. josh 3. samantha
Three things I love: 1. sleep 2. shopping 3. my computer
Three things I hate: 1. traffic! 2. stupid people 3. sleazy girls
Three things I don't understand: 1. stupid people 2. the war 3. animal & child cruelty
Three things on my desk: 1. a pen 2.c alculator 3. phone
Three things I'm doing right now: 1. typing 2. editing my myspace 3. listening to music
Three things I want to do before I die: 1. have children 2. go skydiving 3. stay happy
Three things I can do: 1. give a great foot massage 2. work with computers 3. crochet
Three things I can't do: 1. mow the grass (i can't breathe!) 2. tolerate stupidity 3. save money
Three things I think you should listen to: 1. your intuition 2. music that makes you want to dance 3. people trying to save pit bulls from BSL
Three things you should never listen to: 1. the government 2. politicians (they're all crooked) 3. movie critics
Three favourite foods: 1. pasta 2. chinese/japanese 3. veggies
Three things I regret: 1. caring what other people thought of me 2. being too nice & getting walked on 3. not speaking my mind enough

If you do this Quiz, Please comment me so i can read your post.

Labels: tag

so, it's almost 2 am & i'm still up. i really don't want to go to bed because that means work will just get here sooner. blah.. i had to go clothes shopping today because my 3 favorite pairs of pants all decided to crap out on me in the same weekend. they either ripped or got holes in them in places i can't repair. damn, the bad luck. i hate clothes shopping.. it depresses me. i can never find anything i'm really happy with, anywhere. i went to 4 stores today & only returned with 2 pairs of jeans. i didn't even find any good pants for work.. but that's because they have to be plain, & i mean REALLY plain. my style is too "rockstar" (as my boss put it) because i wore black dressy pants with white pinstripes.. ok that's too "rockstar"?? then i wore some dark khaki pants that had a couple extra pockets (almost like cargo pants) & those were too "rockstar" too. so i guess i'm just not plain enough.. give me a break. it's not like it's a corporate run business, it's just her preference. i'm also not allowed to dress in layers, like i like to do. i like to have an undershirt that's a little longer than the other because when i sit down my ass crack won't show (just in case my pants are too low). i think of it as preventative measures, but my boss thinks of it as being too "rockstar".. i'm really beginning to hate that woman more & more.

the want to become a mom is becoming more & more prominant in my life. i can't go 1 day without thinking about it. it's almost depressing because i want to be a mom so bad & it seems like a few of the girls i know that are pregnant right now either didn't plan it or really don't want one right now. i feel like why do they get the privelage of knowing what motherhood is like when they don't even want to? i want to, damnit. if only my life could be a little more stable right now.

alright, i'm giving in. i have to go to bed, otherwise i will just hate myself in the morning.

Labels: anti-plain jane, depression, motherhood

it's official.. my boss is a psycho basket case. she makes me hate my job & hate what i do. i loathe getting up for work in the mornings because i hate working with her. she portrays herself as this innocent, church going, perfect housewife & mother.. but she is a wolf in sheeps clothing. she griped at me today for calling her cell phone to tell her i'm not coming in, because i didn't call the salon phone also. i figured she would get the message on her cell phone a lot quicker. i had my cell phone off since i had already called her & left a message. she must have looked up my parents number in the phonebook (i never gave it to her).. & she made my mom wake me up to take the call. she yelled at me nonstop for 5 minutes. she said if i was to not come in tomorrow that she would require a dr's note. that was a personal stab at me, & if i didn't need this job to pay my bills, i think i would have said "you know what, i don't need this, i quit". when she hired me i told her i had mono a few years ago & that my immune system is shot, i have no insurance to go to the dr to get a prescription to help me out. i am dealing with all of this on my own. it's not an easy thing to do. so she knows ALL this info.. & has the audacity to tell me i need a drs note. FUCK YOU! i wanted to tell her, well being a babysitter for your kids is NOT in my job description. it's unprofessional to bring your kids into a business to have them crawling on the floor & digging into everything. so is having your 5 year old sit up at the nail bar (along side our clients) & color in her coloring book. get a REAL babysitter, because the one you have now rarely watches them & i'm sick of doing it for you. i don't want to pick your son up because he's mad he's not getting attention. but you know what, you ask me to & i do it without complaining.

i went into this business because i knew i would enjoy it. i like seeing results, i like to see improvement. but with every job i get, it makes me hate what i do more & more. starting this week i will be putting in applications elsewhere. i'm not working for another salon at this point, i don't think i could handle any more of this bullshit. i'm about to lose it & do something bad, so i need to prevent that if at all possible. i hate that i have to give 50% of my money to coke heads, control freaks, & psycho drama loving bitches.. they don't deserve it.

Labels: job hunting, psycho boss

i'm beginning to wonder if i am just a mat to be walked on. i'm not trying to sound egotistical, but i'm a nice person. if you need my help, i will give as much of it as i can. i know that there is such a thing as being too nice.. & i guess that's what i just might be. i had a so-called friend screw me over recently. i've known her over a year now, we went to school together for a few months, but we haven't hung out a lot lately. i called every once in a while to say hey & she did the same. i was talking to her a little more frequently here in the past week, & i called her up to ask for a small favor. the girl that was with her basically told me she was taking X amount for doing me a favor, & i didn't object even tho part of me wanted to. i knew she deserved a little compensation, but she was basically telling me what she was going to take of what was mine. i didn't get pissed, even tho i wanted to say "hell no".. but being the nice person i am, i let her have it anyways & went home. turns out my compensation cost me $40.. so i called her up to tell her (calmly) & she hangs up on me. she refused to pick up the phone, so i texted her & asked her what was going on. i waited for about 30 minutes.. she texts me back with "i'm sorry it's not my fault, i had no idea" & that's all she wrote. i told her i wasn't mad at her (but that was because i was more mad at the other girl that was with her). but you know what, they were both in on it, so i think the blame is 50/50. i don't understand what would have made her do this, it's really out of character for her. i can't get too mad.. like the saying goes "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice".. this isn't gonna happen again. i'm a big believer in karma.. so there's no need for me to go out trying to seek revenge or blow her phone up to try to get my money back. i'm just sick of being the one people walk all over or take advantage of. ok, i'm done ranting for the nite

Labels: karma

allow me to introduce myself.. my name is rachyl, i'm 22 years old, & i am a blogging addict. i don't do it so i can relive my past, i do it to vent. i've had other blogs in the past, but i don't need them anymore. i've grown, matured, & moved on. they were the old me, & this is the new me. so this blog will be about my life.. the ups & downs, the trials & tribulations, & to amuse my insomnia (as i glance at the clock to notice it is 1am). i don't censor myself.. these are my thoughts, however random or raw they may be. so if you don't like it, you can click the little X in the corner :]

Labels: addiction, introduction, new